Hi Holly,
This is a bad week... I've just found out that you moved from Westham in August 2003, and that you've been living at PineTrees since then. You know, one of the last things that Richard ever said to me was that you would always know that I was your father... If he was honourable enough to stand by that statement, then surely I could have been told that you had moved so at least I didn't have to spend 3 years getting stressed out every time another Christmas or birthday present was returned... I know they want to live as though I don't exist, but I do Holly - and even though he has brought you up, he will never be your father - step-father is all he will ever be...
I'm sorry if I'm sounding resentful today, but finding out where you are has really brought home to me today how much I have given up - just because your mother didn't want me to be part of your life... it could all have been so different... I see that they have even changed your name - which incidentally is illegal for them to do without my permission, which I obviously have never given. Like your Birth Certificate says, you are Holly Ann Hudson - a fact of which I hope one day you will be proud... My father made me a Hudson, and he was a fine man - a man of whom I have always been very proud to be a son. Had he lived, he would have been very proud of you too, and maybe he would have helped me to avoid losing your childhood as I have...
It's nearly Christmas, and I sent you a card yesterday - I hope you get this one, and I hope even more that you contact me. I put my number in the card, and I have bought you a present, which you can have whenever you want. I'll send you a birthday card and a cheque next week so that you can buy something nice for yourself - I wish I knew what that was, but.... maybe one day...
I can't believe that you are nearly a teenager - in my mind, you are still that 6 year old who used to give me big hugs - I'm sure things have changed a bit!
I've had a really busy time at work recently, but it's all good stuff - Hudson Bay Financial is thriving, and we should have our best ever year this year. Pip and I also managed to go and spend a week with your Uncle Paul and Aunt Darcy in Ras al Khaimah - it was our first time in the Middle East and it was a bit of a culture shock - they aren't keen on seeing exposed legs out there, so I may have shocked one or two of them with my holiday shorts..!
Ian is off on his 3 month tour of the Far East straight after Christmas - he's going to Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and China - and if he's got any money left at the end of his trip, he might pop over to Japan too. I've told him that I want a schedule of everywhere he has got planned to go - I'm looking forward to following his travels on the map and hearing the stories of what he gets up to...
Katie is still working with her problem children and Michael is still trying to work out what to do with his life - he's decided that he's not going to go to University now, so he's going to go straight into a career - he just can't decide what as yet...
Well Holly, I've got to go now, but I really hope that you have a fabulous Christmas and that you get what you want. I know what I want, and I just hope that by this time next year, I've got it...
All my love as ever,
Dad.
xxx
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Another summer gone...
Hi Holly,
Well another summer has gone by and today it's pouring with rain and cold... A miserable sort of day, made more miserable by seeing a little girl on my way in to work who looked just like you did when you were 6... Hey ho...
I've been thinking of you a lot recently... I don't know if you've had the remotest thought come through, but I've been having weird dreams that we can communicate by thoughts, even though we can't see each other. Probably just another sign of my advancing senility or I'm going slightly mad or I'm just a normal Dad who really misses his little girl... one of those...
I've had a big problem with Mikey this week - he went to University on Saturday, but on Sunday he decided that it really wasn't for him, so he came home. I thought that the next 3 years of his life were all planned out, but now we've got to try and decide what he's going to do... tricky times..
I hope school is going well for you. I wish I knew how you were getting on - what you're good at and what you're not. I hope you like Geography, 'cos that was always my favourite subject and I loved finding out about all the different parts of the world - I still do, though now I also try and visit the places that fascinate me! I also hope you like sport and that some of the sporting genes have travelled down to you - although I don't mind if you've decided not to be a rugby player!
Going back to the travel, Pip and I went to Norway in the summer and flew up to a little place called Kirkenes in the very far North of the country, right by the Russian border. We then caught the Coastal ferry all the way down the coast to Bergen. The journey took 6 days, half of which was within the Arctic Circle. We saw the Northern Lights and saw some fantastic Fjords and scenery. It was one of the best trips I've ever been on and if you get the chance one day, you should try it. The trip is called the Hurtigruten and if you put that in Google, you will see all about it. Later this year, we're going to visit your Uncle Paul who lives in Ras al Khaimah in the United Arab Emirates - that should be fun too.
Although I'm not quite sure how this happened, I'm 50 next year (!), and I want to do something special to celebrate the fact that I'm still here... My first choice would be a holiday with you, but I guess that's pretty unlikely... My second choice is a trip to Greenland! I'm working on that, but it's quite tricky to organise... we'll see...
Ian has finished University now and he graduated with a 2:1 in Classical Civilisation. He's not sure exactly what he wants to do yet, but he's been working for a company that does internet hotel bookings since he graduated, to earn some money. He and his girlfriend, Val are then going travelling in the Far East for 3 months after Christmas. After that, he will be looking for a full time job and starting a career... more exciting times...
Katie is still working with disadvantaged children and seems to be doing well - at least she hasn't crashed a car in the last 6 months!! She's moved in with her boyfriend, Kris and they seem to be getting along fine.
Work is busier than ever, but I'm just about keeping on top of it. I still have your photos on my desk and have a little chat with you every morning... I love you Holly, and I still hope that one day, before too much longer, we can see each other again...
Love as ever,
Dad
xxx
Well another summer has gone by and today it's pouring with rain and cold... A miserable sort of day, made more miserable by seeing a little girl on my way in to work who looked just like you did when you were 6... Hey ho...
I've been thinking of you a lot recently... I don't know if you've had the remotest thought come through, but I've been having weird dreams that we can communicate by thoughts, even though we can't see each other. Probably just another sign of my advancing senility or I'm going slightly mad or I'm just a normal Dad who really misses his little girl... one of those...
I've had a big problem with Mikey this week - he went to University on Saturday, but on Sunday he decided that it really wasn't for him, so he came home. I thought that the next 3 years of his life were all planned out, but now we've got to try and decide what he's going to do... tricky times..
I hope school is going well for you. I wish I knew how you were getting on - what you're good at and what you're not. I hope you like Geography, 'cos that was always my favourite subject and I loved finding out about all the different parts of the world - I still do, though now I also try and visit the places that fascinate me! I also hope you like sport and that some of the sporting genes have travelled down to you - although I don't mind if you've decided not to be a rugby player!
Going back to the travel, Pip and I went to Norway in the summer and flew up to a little place called Kirkenes in the very far North of the country, right by the Russian border. We then caught the Coastal ferry all the way down the coast to Bergen. The journey took 6 days, half of which was within the Arctic Circle. We saw the Northern Lights and saw some fantastic Fjords and scenery. It was one of the best trips I've ever been on and if you get the chance one day, you should try it. The trip is called the Hurtigruten and if you put that in Google, you will see all about it. Later this year, we're going to visit your Uncle Paul who lives in Ras al Khaimah in the United Arab Emirates - that should be fun too.
Although I'm not quite sure how this happened, I'm 50 next year (!), and I want to do something special to celebrate the fact that I'm still here... My first choice would be a holiday with you, but I guess that's pretty unlikely... My second choice is a trip to Greenland! I'm working on that, but it's quite tricky to organise... we'll see...
Ian has finished University now and he graduated with a 2:1 in Classical Civilisation. He's not sure exactly what he wants to do yet, but he's been working for a company that does internet hotel bookings since he graduated, to earn some money. He and his girlfriend, Val are then going travelling in the Far East for 3 months after Christmas. After that, he will be looking for a full time job and starting a career... more exciting times...
Katie is still working with disadvantaged children and seems to be doing well - at least she hasn't crashed a car in the last 6 months!! She's moved in with her boyfriend, Kris and they seem to be getting along fine.
Work is busier than ever, but I'm just about keeping on top of it. I still have your photos on my desk and have a little chat with you every morning... I love you Holly, and I still hope that one day, before too much longer, we can see each other again...
Love as ever,
Dad
xxx
Sunday, February 19, 2006
12 year old girls...
Hi Holly,
Yesterday I went to the football with a 12 year old girl... She got excited at all the right times and sat down with a big sigh when we let in the goal which meant that we lost 1-0... again...
It was fun, and it didn't even matter that it was raining, as we were fully kitted out in wet weather gear and we just chatted all the way through the game. Brighton have a new 18 year old striker playing for them, and I am reliably informed that he has 'nice legs'... I hadn't noticed myself but it's good to be kept informed about important matters like this.
It was a good afternoon - apart from the result - but at the same time, I felt very sad. I enjoyed the company of Glyn's daughter, Emma, who was born 10 days after you - but I couldn't help sitting there wishing it was you and that you had grown up liking football and being an Albion supporter... For all I know, you hate football and would never have wanted to come with me - but it's nice to think that maybe this is something we would have done together if things had been different - if your mother, at any time in the last 6 years had developed a sense of reason...
Anyway, life here has become quite hectic since Christmas. I have become incredibly busy at work, and have ended up working on Sundays most weeks. This is obviously better than having no work, but it does get a little stressful trying to remember so much information all at once - bit like when you do your GCSE's in 4 years time!
We had a bad day last month - Katie was involved in a really bad car crash, where she hit another car head on. She had a nasty cut on her head, another one above her eye and bad bruising to her knees and back. The lady in the other car broke her ankle, but they were both lucky that their injuries weren't worse. I went up to the hospital as soon as I heard, and she was sitting there covered in blood - it was a really horrible moment... Anyway, she has recovered now and has just gone back to work this week, but she has become a very careful driver as a result of her experience...
On a happier note, Mikey has been offered a place at Warwick University to study Classical Civilisation, so he will be going there in September. It's going to be a big step forward in his life, and I'm sure he will be nervous at the prospect of living on his own for the first time, but it's a nice University and I'm sure he will settle in there... As you know, Ian is already there, although his course ends this summer - so now he's got to go and find a job!!
So life here goes on, Holly. I still think of you every day and still have moments talking to your pictures which sit on my desk. I know you don't look like those pictures any more, and I still can't believe that your mother wouldn't even send me a picture of you... but I still hope that I get to see you before you read all this...and I still love you...
I'll write again soon...
Dad xxx
Yesterday I went to the football with a 12 year old girl... She got excited at all the right times and sat down with a big sigh when we let in the goal which meant that we lost 1-0... again...
It was fun, and it didn't even matter that it was raining, as we were fully kitted out in wet weather gear and we just chatted all the way through the game. Brighton have a new 18 year old striker playing for them, and I am reliably informed that he has 'nice legs'... I hadn't noticed myself but it's good to be kept informed about important matters like this.
It was a good afternoon - apart from the result - but at the same time, I felt very sad. I enjoyed the company of Glyn's daughter, Emma, who was born 10 days after you - but I couldn't help sitting there wishing it was you and that you had grown up liking football and being an Albion supporter... For all I know, you hate football and would never have wanted to come with me - but it's nice to think that maybe this is something we would have done together if things had been different - if your mother, at any time in the last 6 years had developed a sense of reason...
Anyway, life here has become quite hectic since Christmas. I have become incredibly busy at work, and have ended up working on Sundays most weeks. This is obviously better than having no work, but it does get a little stressful trying to remember so much information all at once - bit like when you do your GCSE's in 4 years time!
We had a bad day last month - Katie was involved in a really bad car crash, where she hit another car head on. She had a nasty cut on her head, another one above her eye and bad bruising to her knees and back. The lady in the other car broke her ankle, but they were both lucky that their injuries weren't worse. I went up to the hospital as soon as I heard, and she was sitting there covered in blood - it was a really horrible moment... Anyway, she has recovered now and has just gone back to work this week, but she has become a very careful driver as a result of her experience...
On a happier note, Mikey has been offered a place at Warwick University to study Classical Civilisation, so he will be going there in September. It's going to be a big step forward in his life, and I'm sure he will be nervous at the prospect of living on his own for the first time, but it's a nice University and I'm sure he will settle in there... As you know, Ian is already there, although his course ends this summer - so now he's got to go and find a job!!
So life here goes on, Holly. I still think of you every day and still have moments talking to your pictures which sit on my desk. I know you don't look like those pictures any more, and I still can't believe that your mother wouldn't even send me a picture of you... but I still hope that I get to see you before you read all this...and I still love you...
I'll write again soon...
Dad xxx
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